Archived Invites #19: TheDNL’s Bi-Annual Polio Awareness BBQ and Newly Added Lupus Fun Run!

Say hello to an invitation I wrote for a BBQ at my place a few years back. One day, I plan on doing something lucrative with these invitations, so keep your eyes open and tell your friends. Seriously.

BBQ


THE DANIEL’S BI-ANNUAL POLIO AWARENESS BBQ AND NEWLY ADDED LUPUS FUN RUN!

“I hear you moved your BBQ to this weekend.”
“Yeah. I did.”

“Hey man…. wasn’t this BBQ supposed to happen a few weeks ago?”
“Yeah.”

“…. And?”
“And what? It didn’t happen.”

“I know it didn’t happen. That’s why I asked about it Not happening when you had originally scheduled it.”
“Oh.”

“… So?”
“So what?

“So why didn’t you have the BBQ?”
“I couldn’t.”

“Obviously you couldn’t have the BBQ. If you Could have had the BBQ you Would have had the BBQ. But you Didn’t have the BBQ. So I’m asking you… WHY didn’t you have the BBQ?”
“I don’t know. Because.”

“Because what?”
“Because I couldn’t.”

“You already said that!”
“You ask too many questions.”

“I only asked you one question!”
“I’m pretty sure you asked me more than one question.”

“Are you crazy? I asked you why the BBQ wasn’t happening. That’s it.”
“Are you sure? It seems like you asked me more than just that.”
“That’s because I’ve asked you at least SIX times already!”
“Why would you ask me the same question six times?

“Because you never answer me!”
“… Oh. Ok then.”

“Ok then what? What about the BBQ?”
“What about it? It’s this weekend.”

“I Know That! I’m asking you: Why Didn’t Your BBQ Happen Last Week!?”
“Didn’t you already ask me that?”

“YOU NEVER ANSWERED ME!”
“Oh.”

“… What do you mean ‘Oh’?! I’m asking you a goddamn question! Answer the goddamn question!”

“You’re asking me what I mean by ‘Oh’? I don’t know… it’s just something you say. An interjection. Used to express an emotion or in response to physical stimuli   …”

“THE BBQ! THE BBQ! I’M ASKING YOU ABOUT THE BBQ!”
“Oh. The BBQ.”

“Yes!”
“Well…”

“Well what?!”
“… It’s this weekend.”

“I am going to fucking murder you.”
“… Oh. Ok.”

SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY! @ 1PM
August 5th, this year of our Lord, 2007

The DNL’S BACKYARD! BACKYARD! BACKYARD!

(Street address) in sunny, charming downtown (lame suburb).

BYOB! BYOB! BYOB! (and maybe some food, I can’t feed every last one of your wretched souls)

(the usual alliteration, if you please…)

BBQ – BEEF – BOOZE – BEER – BROADS – BOYS – BUD – BEATS – BASKETBALL

NO HOMERS!

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Deep and Heavy Breathing? notdaniel@gmail.com.

Mmm... BBQ

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